US army saving a fortune in camouflage gear by convincing North Korea to invest in ‘smart casual’ trees.
Accidentally setting the planet on fire by letting your kite fly too close to the sun
At a press release earlier today, Paula Bennett publicly announced details of National’s new welfare campaign “Stop Hitting Yourself.”
Is it vegan to summon the ghost of Mozart and ask him if he thinks you’re cute?
Is it vegan to put tiny saddles on bees, even if you’re not intending to ride them?
Is it vegan to choose Monica as your favourite character on Friends?
Is it vegan to tie a kite to your dogs tail and set him free in a cool spring meadow?
Is it vegan to ride a silver jet ski across a frozen lake at midnight, cursing yourself for your human failures?
Cities as monuments to God’s tetris failures.
When Mitt Romney was young, he found a baby bird in his back yard. Its wing was broken, and it couldn’t fly. He put the bird in a shoebox, and bought it inside. Every morning he would race downstairs to the hot water cupboard to check on the bird’s progress. Without warning, a week later, it miraculously recovered and flew away. Mitt Romney ran downstairs the next morning to find it gone. His parents tried to console him. They told him the bird had died painfully in the middle of the night. That it had been slowly eaten by a neighborhood cat. But deep down, Mitt Romney knew the truth.
